sam cassell is an alien and i love him

So even though I’ve been neglecting the ole bloggy blog for a while, there’s been tons of stuff I’ve wanted to write about (David Stern’s switcheroo on the NBA game ball; the Twolves 4.5 game winning streak, and we’ll go ahead and say the first half of last night’s game in San Antonio counts; my new favorite NBA player—you’ll never guess who!). But really, I can’t avoid it. In one of the busiest weeks of the about quarter-of-the-way completed NBA season, there is one story which matters over all the others. No surprises here, folks: Allen Iverson. Where’s he going? Who’s going to go the new NBA-Siberia, Philadelphia in exchange? Will he make his new team better?

Some out there in the NBA message board-o-sphere, on various basketball message boards (and I do sift through more of them than I’d like to admit) have begun to tire of the constant and constantly changing rumors surrounding the ultimate mighty mouse, Allen Iverson. Well I’ll tell ya one thing: I can’t get enough of it. The NBA hasn’t seen this caliber of megastar request a trade since Shaq extended his huge, fat middle finger to the Bryant-Buss-Lakers dynasty. I could spend multiple pages discussing it, but the all-famous Sports Guy, Bill Simmons, already scripted the perfect article about AI’s once-in-a-lifetime-type talent. Players like AI don’t get traded these days in the NBA. His move will have a substantial impact on the rest of the NBA season at least—his new team is going to be dangerous, no doubt about it. And I’ve enjoyed every minute of the trade-AI chaos. I get annoying little butterflies in the pit of my stomach like a little eight year-old girl almost everytime I think about it. I’ve loved following every single stupid, outlandish, intriguing, exciting rumor out there, and that’s because a very good portion of them have involved my beloved Timberwolves.

Well ya know what? I’ve got a prediction for you: Allen Iverson is going to be traded within the next 24 hours. Not enough? In that trade, AI is going to be traded to the Timberwolves. Now I don’t like making predictions very much, I’m much more comfortable with giving petty observations about the nitpicky cultural crap of the NBA that may or may not even have any effect on the physical game of basketball. But when I think about it, it just makes a lot of sense. Here’s why:

1. That crazy phone call that ESPN’s Jim Gray made to an Allen Iverson “impostor” during halftime of last Friday night’s ESPN Friday Night NBA game, in which the caller said he “hopes a trade is in the works to the Timberwolves.” I’m not buying it. I think Jim Gray actually talked to Iverson. I mean, I’ve never claimed Gray to be the smartest NBA hype-reporter in the business, but would he really fall for a friggin prank call?
2. There’s reason why such a cover-up could be necessary. NBA teams can be fined $500,000 for breaking a particular rule of the CBA (Collective Bargaining Agreement for NBA players) by completing or conspiring to complete an illegal trade. What would’ve been illegal about a Timberwolves trade that will become legal within the next 24 hours? The most rational trade I can think of the Timberwolves completing with the ‘6ers for AI would send Mike James, Ricky Davis, Randy Foye, and a filler player (most likely Eddie Griffin) to Phily. Ok, at the very least I think it’s going to involve James and Foye. As a free agent signee from the summer’s offseason, Mike James isn’t eligible to be traded until December 15^th, exactly 95 minutes from now. At the stroke of midnight, James can officially become Allen Iverson trade bait.
3. By trading with the Wolves, Philadelphia’s 76ers will get the player they covet the most of any of the myriad potential trade offers or rumors that have been floated: Randy Foye. Foye is a straight-up Phily hero. He spent four years at Villanova, a Phily-area school, and guided their basketball team deep into the NCAA playoffs last year. And the kid is pretty damn good too. 76ers GM Billy King has wanted this kid for a while, expressed tons of interest for him during the NBA Draft. And even though some teams may include better players with more talent or more attractive contracts in their trade proposals than Mike James and Ricky Davis, I fail to see how the “best” trade out there for the 76ers does anything if not net them their most coveted individual player. Read the hundreds of posts on this 76ers message board if you don’t know how much Phily-area fans really want Foye.
4. It just makes sense. KG and AI make so much sense. Short of Kobe Bryant, I struggle to think of a more perfect tag-team partner for KG. The two would complement each other beautifully. NBA critics around the nation want it to happen. Jon Barry, who not three years ago was ready to choke Latrel Sprewell’s throat over the Wolves sudden rise, believes it’s the best possible outcome to the AI saga. ESPN’s head NBA writer Marc Stein wants it to happen. Heck, even some random beat writer in San Antonio came to the same conclusion after watching the Wolves embarrassing second-half swoon in last night’s game. And I’d like to believe that when it comes to complex, earth-shattering NBA events like this, the most rational explanation wins out.

Sure, you might think I’m an idiot. Sure, you might just think that I’m a homer who’s naïve enough to fall for some ridiculous internet rumors and make some massive leaps in logic just to believe some self-fulfilling prophecies (to which I would say thank you very much but it is you sir who are the idiot). Well I’ve got news for you, my friend: something about the Twolves true blue-and-green really makes AI’s cornrows sparkle. Just think about it…